Murdering Love

You're painful, you hurt.
Its like you're holding a knife in front of you, each time we get closer, the knife sinks deeper into my heart, The closer you get the more it hurts, but the more it hurts, the more I want...
The wound gets deeper. Then you pull away, pull out the knife. Leaving me with blood-covered hands, holding a needle and thread, trying to stitch the pieces back together.

Midnight Musing

I hate the quiet
It allows me to think
I hate thinking, hurts too much
Some nights in winter, I turn on the air conditioner
Just so there is a familiar noise so I can fall asleep.

I love the cold
It gives me an excuse to hide
I can lock myself in my room for hours. Just to keep warm
I can’t sleep unless it’s cold. I don’t know why
I guess its just a mental thing, or maybe not.

I like Alcohol
It allows me to relax
Not think too much about the real world
I probably drink too much, but only because I can’t bring myself to smoke
That’s nothing against smokers; I know how relieving it can be.

I hate being alone
It scares me to death
Is loneliness a life sentence? Is there an end to it?
Trying to reach out for something that isn’t really there
We sit and hope that one day there will be someone at the end of our outstretched arms.

I love the dark,
Not being able to see used to scare me
I guess because I couldn’t see what was coming.
But now that I think about it, I’d rather not know what the world had planned for me.
I think it’s better being in the dark. After all, what you don’t know won’t hurt you.

Life No More (Version 2)

As the darkness falls all around you, and your tears run black as the night,
You have run out of shoulders to cry on, you know it’s the night you’ll say goodbye.
The bruises have never been so painful; the cuts have never been so deep.
Lay your head down in relief, and bleed into the deepest sleep.

Room once filled with hopes and dreams, all to long ago it seems, now
Bloody sheets of misery, razor blades and memories. Broken glass on the floor a tissue box that helps no more.
A broken heart that burns with pain, drowning in mascara rain.

Deafened by her own silent screams, a precious life atrophy
A river black from eyes to cheek, she’s nothing left, a heart so weak.
Wounds reopened, Crimson Red, pages unturned and words unsaid.
An excruciating ecstasy, yet a picture perfect catastrophe.

Blood fingerprints on the life she tore, her life that was, but is no more.

There is a Girl

There is a girl,
I adore her,
I want her,

Her eyes, I'm mesmorised
Her smile, makes me melt
Her skin, so soft
Her touch, so caring
Her embrace, I long for
Her kiss, to die to for
Her body, I want to explore
Her hands, I want to hold
Her voice, like an angel

There is a girl,
I adore her,
I want her,
I can't have her...

Unusually Enough

As the Monday morning melody flies through the air, the taste of her sweet lips still linger on mine. 
The shape of her tiny body is still imprinted in my arms. 
The memories of her from the weekend gone will be held until they are replace by the ones from the next engagement.
Caressing on the couch with our bodies intertwined, saying nothing because words are not needed. 
I can't bare the thought of tearing my eyes away from her. 
She lays across me, her head buried in my neck, these are moments of perfection in my eyes. 
Though I cannot call her mine always, I can for these brief moments. 

Which unusually feels like enough.

All The Same

The words that come out of our mouths are more often than not just a
misinturpretation of what we think we hear in our minds. We shelter
our thoughts inside ourselves, hiding the truth and holding back.
Afraid of what the so called real world will think of the real you!
Unfortunately silence prevails in the morden world. Hiding under our
masks we drift through life unaware that we are living as who the
world thinks we should be, by the time we realise, we are already
consumed by our fake reality and have forgotten what we were really
like. Personality is no longer personal. We cannot lay here and
pretend we are not manipulated by outer forces. We are controlled by
the stereotypes forced upon us. We are slowly becoming like robots.
One day we will all be the same person.

Take Me...

Tear me from this messy world, ignite the dynamite stick that will end all that is for me.
Prepare my place in hell, my bed of nails awaits me.
Let eternity begin, its my time to dance with the devil.
I've out lived this life already, now I only rise to fall again, what is the
meaning.
Bury me or burn me, I am ready.
Death only hurts the first time.

Cleansing My Soul

I cannot continue to live consumed by the thought of you, the thoughts
of you that are raping my mind. My addiction to you is not healthy and
is slowly and painfully desecrating my spirit. Slay the feelings of
nostalgia I have, remove the memories that gives me this notion! I
will not be drowned by the newfangled wave of lies. I will not let
your minacious words empale my weary heart. Let me be set free by your
unwillingness to care, Let my broken wings carry me from this life,
and infused me in another. Let the weight of my habituation to your
faults be lifted. The seduction will hang with my old self by a noose
in a metaphoric closet inside myself! Where your devilish acts will be
burned at the stake, never to reappear in this life. I am rid of you!
I am finally me!

55-Interupted Clarity

Clear views through twisted eyes, Shadows from invisible objects.
Staring into nothingness, dreams and fantasies in black and white,
Nightmares in full vivid colour. Can't tell the difference between a window and a mirror,
either way you can't see your true self between the shatter marks,
Upside down in an inside out kind of world.

Off My Chest

Many of us stumble through this life without a purpose, or so it seems. We are just drifters of reality, taking on whatever comes our way. Waiting for that moment that will throw us into our fate and put us on the road to our destiny.
It’s impossible to predict how anything will end, if it ends. That can be life, love, career… anything. The only way we can reach the end of anything is to take the journey. Ignorance is the key to longevity with anything, as the more we learn about something, the more inclined we are to end it because we see its tainted imperfections. It is not a matter of anything being perfect; it’s a matter of the positives outweighing the negatives. In this world, we focus on the negatives far to often. “Why did it fail?” instead of “What was good about it?” This is why we never learn; this is why 50% of marriages end in divorce, this is why the world is at war.

I often hear people say, “Well that was a waste of “X” years” or “There’s a chunk of my life I won’t get back” at the end of a relationship. This is taking the negative out of a situation that can be seen as a positive given the right mindset. I know this is very hypocritical coming from me, but I’m the first to admit that I never take my own advice. Why not focus on the positive things, like what you learned. What you can and can’t handle within a relationship, or what simple little things annoy you. People ask, “How come things are different to how they were when we first dating? Why did they change?” Truth is they probably didn’t change, you just learnt more about the other person with time. I’m willing to bet that if you were to learn nothing more about the person you were dating after 3 months, there would be no problem. Ignorance is bliss ladies and gentlemen.

I am a pessimist, which has moments of optimism. That’s just the way I am. I believe its better to assume the worst because anything better is seen as a bonus. People don’t like it, but that’s me, that’s how I deal with the world. I’d rather be relieved if news isn’t as bad than was first expected, than be disappointed when its when I assumed it would be fine. I’ll tell you that it’s not an easy way to live, but for me there is no turning back. I’ve been let down far to often to even begin to hint towards a positive outcome from any situation, again that is hypocritical considering what I’ve written above.

Hopefully, I can help prevent others ending up like me. Enough people come to me for advice that if I was a counsellor I’d never have to work another day in my life. That’s fine with me, though young; I have a lot of advice to give. Be it through experience or just watching the world, I have answers to questions I wish I didn’t have. However, if I use them to help then I guess it’s not so bad. I have an opinion on almost everything, which comes in handy considering I’m pretending to be a writer.

I’ll leave you with this thought. Many people, like myself have no clear direction of what we are looking for. We are not sure what we want, but we know that we want it and we want it now… however…

If you don’t know what you’re looking for, how will you know when you find it?

Why, Why, Why?

With a look she passed on that dreadful night,
A look of fear, pain and fright.
But there she lay on her stone cold bed,
As the sheets were pulled up over her head.

Her father weeps; her mother cries…3 small words…
Why? Why? Why?

She left late, off home to bed, the night was dark, the roads were wet.
She checked her phone, and what to see,
But 4 missed calls from hey beloved Daddy.

She calls him back without a wait,
“Don’t stay up, I’ll be home late”

With that she did what she had to do,
Her 4 last words, “I love you to”

Her father weeps; her mother cries…3 small words…
Why? Why? Why?

To quick she turned, she scrapped the pole, she closed her eyes, she lost control.

The car spun, her life flashed, the tyres screeched, the glass smashed.

That moment went so slow it seemed,
As she let out her final scream.

Her father weeps; her mother cries…3 small words…
Why? Why? Why?

The phone it rang, the time was 3,
Her mother thought, “Who must that be?”

The dreaded call to end it all,
Her mother screamed, the phone did fall.

The tears flowed, the body showed,
“Is this your daughter, yes or no?”

Her father weeps; her mother cries…3 small words…
Why? Why? Why?

Her friends, her lover, her family cry.
The time has come to say goodbye.

The hugs and flowers will never do,
To ease the pain that they’ve gone through.

Her father weeps; her mother cries…those 3 sad words

Why?
Why?
Why?

You and me

You were always there for me, whenever I would need someone... You
were there. When you needed me... I would come from wherever I was...
just for you. There for each other... Always.
Through the heartbreak, it was you and me.
Through the pain, it was you and me.
Through the darkest days, you and me!
When we had nothing, we had each other. It was you and me!
We promised we would always be there! Whenever, wherever, we would
come through. I'd call, You'd be there. You called, I'd leave straight
away. We were each other rock, each others angel, each others shoulder
to cry on. We were
Perfectly terrible, you and me!
Always feeling sad, always feeling lost... But we were never lonely.
It's was you and me!
I would never let you fall, I'll be there always...

Then one day I wasn't there... The one day you needed me the most, I
was too late! I broke my promise like it meant nothing. I could of
saved you! Now I'm alone. It was always you and me...
....now it's just me....god decided to take you away from me.
But Heaven shouldn't have you yet, please come home...please...I miss
you... I miss you and me.