Friday, April 30, 2010

The Morning After

Bright sun rays through a dark room,
Dark thoughts run through a once vivid mind

Black stains on a white pillow,
White stains on the black sheets

Cocaine covered coffee table,
Empty wine bottles on the kitchen bench

Red dress crumpled at the bedroom door,
Empty condom packets on the bedroom floor

Broken glass embedded in the recliner,
A shattered heart barely beats in her chest

Bathroom light flickers,
Blood stains ubiquitous

Another pointless night is over,
Another painful nightmare begins

Once a blissful place,
When did it all go wrong?

Head in her hands,
Tears drip through her fingers

Here she goes again,


Tuesday, April 27, 2010


He is lost, he is scared, he doesn't know what to do, where to go,
what to say.
He has always been there for others in need, always been the shoulder
to cry on, always been the listening ear.
But there is no one for him to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to
tell him it'll be ok.
He is angry, he is sad, he is petrified, he is a lot of things...
Except happy, he is rarely happy. The only things that make him smile
are the same things that bring him down. Little bit of a fucked
situation. He has no direction, no motivation, no wind in his torn
sails, he is barely moving... Just enough to know that he is alive.
Torn apart by the world he has tried to help, yet there is no return
of the favour... He is alone... Feeling helpless... Feeling confused.
He doesn't know what he wants, he just knows it's not this...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Just For Tonight

She’s only tiny, she’s quiet, she never says much, she just rests her head on my shoulders and wraps her arms around me.
I safely secure her in my arms, kiss her forehead and pull her in closer.
The emotion flows through our bodies; we can see it in each other’s eyes. We don’t need to say anything, we both know its there.
We know that after this night I’ll be leaving, on my long journey home.
We always knew it was coming; this time together was never for forever.
I whisper in her ear:

“Be mine, just for tonight. I’ll momentarily be the gentleman that walks you home,
Just for tonight, let me kiss you, let me hold you, let me be the one you turn to, let me be the one that makes you smile.
Tonight is all we have, lets not waste it.
Tomorrow you will awaken, and I’ll again be half a world away.
Counting down the days until I can say those words again
Just for tonight…”

I hold her face gently, with my other hand on her lower back as I softly kiss her and pull her in again for another soft embrace. It’s not perfect, it’s not much… but it’s enough. Just for tonight…

When you can't cry anymore?

Curled up in the darkest corner of her mind, she waits
Silently...staring blankly down at the floor. Rocking back and forward
and the painted, cold concrete floor. The moon through the window
gives off just enough light to show her tiny silhoutte on the dry
wall. A small pedestal fan blows slighty, tissues flutter above the
tiny pink tissue box, where she left it the night before. Only tonight
there are no tears running from her deep, ocean blue eyes. Perhaps
today was a good day? Or maybe she has run out of tears, she is tired
of crying. Her bloodshot eyes, only held open by the caffiene, they
are all dried up...with Nothing left to cry out, nothing left to
scream, nothing left to do... She feels like nothing. She feels
helpless. She feels terrified. Crying has been her only
she's lost...suffering.
What do you do when you can't cry anymore?

Monday, April 19, 2010


When Im with you, I can say the things I want to say... And though you
don't think it's true.. I think you are someone beautiful, and the
word gorgeous describes you.
Waking up beside, was like I was still sleeping with a dream, but with
an out stretched hand I touch you, just like a movie scene
Your tired eyes would open, stare wearily into mine, makes my stomach
get butterflies, makes My heart pound everytime.
When we kiss is bliss, feels like nothing else on earth, makes feel so
high, I want to give you all you deserve.
As I board the plane to leave you, I just want you to know, that no
matter where I sleep tonight, it's in your arms that I feel at home.

Friday, April 16, 2010

I'm on holidays :)

Hi all, this isn't a story or anything, I know your all disappoitned
haha.. I'm actually sitting looking over the Brisbane river. Drinking
coffee waiting for my cousin to finish uni. I'm in Brisbane atthe
Moment which is about 1600 kilometres (1000 miles) south of where I
live. Visiting family and a certain female friend :) here for the
weekend.. Getting away from the real world :) but it's been good, I
caught up with my female friend.. Who you may remember j wrote about
in my little spill about myself a couple of weeks ago. I got here
yesterday and had an amazing night... Do you know the feeling where
you think something is gonna be great and then when it happens it was
better than you imagined? That was my night last night. So I'm on a
bit of a high At the moment. :) very happy haha... Will be sad to
leave on Monday morning though. I guess it always is when there are
particular feelings involved. On the writting front I've got a few
ideas floating around my head which I will put to paper next week, so
stay tuned for that... :) well that about it... Really just needed to
tell someone that finally being her was definetly worth the wait... :)
enjoy the rest of your week and weekend :) <3 Dan :)

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Can you?

I'm tired of hiding behind these four walls,
there seems to be less and less room in here these days,
can't tell if the room is getting smaller or the things I hide are getting bigger.

I'm sick of laying awake alone,
I'm sick of the endless, sleepless night trying to fall asleep in tears,
I'm sick of it being my fault, even though it is, I am the one to blame.

I love that it hurts, maybe it will teach me a lesson,
I love that I can never be hurt by anyone as much as I hurt myself,
I love that one day there will be and end to all of this... One way or another.

Can you hear my silent screams for help?
Could you ever care?
Could you ever listen?

I'm tired,
I'm sick,
I love,

Can you help?

Friday, April 9, 2010

I thought you said forever..

He never thought he'd see her like this, so weak and helpless in that
hospital bed. Not now, not this young. It happened all of a sudden,
Now there she lays, the love of his life bed ridden. He comes to see
her everyday... Just to tell her he loves her. He stays for hours just
to talk to her, with her fragile hands in his. Hoping that she will be
ok. Everynight as he leaves he kisses her cold lips, then her forehead
as he tucks her in for sleep. "goodnight sweetheart" he says blowing a
kiss from the doorway as the nurse closes the curtain. Without fail
he'd be back again the next day. Doing the same thing... Walking with
her, pushing her in the wheelchair if she's to brittle to move.. They
are happy in every sense of the word. They have the kinda love where
no words need to be said... You can just tell. Until one cold winter
evening, he was fast asleep in the chair... The heart monitor started
to intensify... He stood over her screaming her name... "Holly,
HOLLY?" nurses come rushing through the door pushing him to the back
of the room... "Clear" nothing but a solid beeping... "Clear" ...
Nothing... "Clear".... That was it... There was nothing but a flat
line across the screen. "no, no, holly no" as he calapsed onto his
knees... The nurse pulls the bedsheet up over her face... She was
Gone, his world gone... They'd always said forever, but who knew
forever would be over so soon... No last chance to say "I love you" no
last chance to say "goodbye"... No last chance to hear her voice
again... There was nothing...

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Fine lines...

    Do you often find yourself treading on a fine line? On one side you know everything that can happen. You know that the only pain you feel happens initially as you cross the line in defeat. The other is the unknown side, which you know very well can, and often will end in heartbreak or disaster. 
    It's the line between reality and chasing a dream; circling the mouth of what seems a bottomless pit. We step one way we are safe and stable ground… and the other, endless falling…not knowing when we will hit the bottom.

    You find yourself making brainless decisions, falling in love to quickly, talking before you think. Pay no heed to the old cliché "look before you leap".

    More often then not we disregard the opinion and advice of outsiders, and fall onto the unknown side of the line; and even though we know exactly what will happen as soon as we take that step, we continue down that trail of terror. 

    Why? Why do we open ourselves up to anguish and misery; fighting for something that is never meant to be ours? It's like we label our hearts, "Insert knife and twist" and throw it out on a cold lonely street waiting for it to be stolen or crucified. Then wonder why we feel so fucking depressed. People say "Maybe you want to feel like this, maybe you like the pain". Why would anybody want to feel like this? What's to like about pain? It's brought nothing more than tears and heartbreak to the world. To feel like there is absolutely nothing in the world you want to live for, when everyday is just another breakdown, just one more Fucking nightmare after another. When the only smile you show is one in disarray of how fucked up your life has become… Hiding scars, hiding your twisted thoughts, trying to hide from memories that only make you cry. Lonely… cold… insecure… scared… helpless... lost. You find me someone who wants to feel like that…

Sunday, April 4, 2010


Don't tear me apart, Id rather extract happiness from every word of
your lie, then be broken by the reality of the untold truth. Lie to
me, do it... I know you can... You have been lying to yourself for
years. But lying to me would hurt you.. And hurting me would mean
telling the truth... Both of us want neither... Let's just forget
it... Let's stay in this awkward state of unemotional being, At least
we can't be hurt this way... Let us be dragged down together... We
either fight each other apart. Or battle through it together. I'd be
lying if I said I told you the truth... Our fate hangs in the balance,
waiting for us to say the words that we can't bare to part with...
Living in this bipolar world... You're on top of the world until it
turns on you, then the wieght of it is on your shoulders, can you
handle it? I can't help you without burning myself... I'm gonna lie
and tell you I'll always be there... And you'll lie and say you need
me... And this endless cycle of dishonesty continues to repeat

Thursday, April 1, 2010

...With Her

Sliding my hands over her shoulders, down the inside of her arms she slides her hands over the back of mine, piercing the gaps between my fingers with her own. I grasp her petite little fingers tightly as if I’m never going to let go and I pull her exposed fragile body in against me.
She moves ours hands towards her mouth and softly kisses each of my fingers. I brush the hair from her right shoulder using my nose as I kiss her neck tenderly, from the up behind her tiny cold ear, to the point of her shoulder. She slants her head back onto me, with her gorgeous eyes closed and biting her bottom lip. She turns her head up to face me, wearily opening her eyes to stare into mine. Blinking ever so slowly as she tries to hide a shy smile. I release her hands, placing mine on her hips to turn her around and face me, still gazing into her eyes, I begin to lean my head forward, as I slide my right hand up the side of her perfect, gorgeous body, up to her delicate face. Brushing away the hair off her face as I a reach the final moments before our first passionate embrace. Her gentle, trembling lips lock with mine; our awkward tongues tangle and tease one another. My hands become careless and start exploring her elegant, bare-naked body. Her hands are cold as she places them on my cheek. Firmly seizing me into the avid embrace…
I feel the butterflies in my stomach start to stir as I completely forget about the world...Is it to soon to say perfect? When this is where I want to be… this is where I want to stay…. here…lost…in this moment… with her.